We are reposting this article with a couple of additions…as it seems to be provoking some thought…

Ahh, the cabeceo – if you haven’t heard of this, it is time to augment your Argentine Tango skills & to start having a go at using it. What is it? It is a way of both inviting (for the leaders) and accepting/declining (for the followers) an invitation to dance, simply by using the eyes/inclination of the head. After all, ST is here to promote not just the music and dance but the culture of Argentine Tango…and this is something you will definitely get used to in the milongas of Buenos Aires!

Don’t know how to do it? Of course you do! Picture yourself in a crowded cafe with a friend – you have offered to order while your friend finds a table. Too late they are gone and you realise you didn’t ask them what they wanted to drink. Knowing they have a particular liking for Ginger Beer, you find one in the fridge, search them out across the room, hold up the drink, catch their eye and raise your eyebrows, tilting your head – in essence asking if they want one. They respond with a quick nod or shake of the head, and it’s all done, deal is sorted – it’s that easy!!

Why on earth would we use this?? Lots of reasons:

• It puts the ball back in the leaders court. The leaders can listen to the DJ, find out if the tanda approaching will be one they want to dance to, and then they can look for the person they want to dance with to that music. Since I started leading, I have much, much more appreciation for this ‘right’ of the leader to choose whether they want to dance (or not) according to whether they feel inspired by the music, rather than feeling harassed by people asking them to dance irrespective of the music. (Clearly, if you are sitting right next to someone, and you are already in conversation with them, it’s easy enough to say ‘Dance?’ as an invitation! Hhowever, it’s also easy just to catch their eye and tilt your head too)

• It means the tanda and cortina have an appropriate function. Once a tanda (the grouping of songs) comes to an end, everyone is supposed to leave the dance floor – that means the cortina (the short contrasting piece of music between sets) is the time when leaders and followers can peruse the room and see who is available for the next tanda, clearly making themselves available, or not, if they perhaps don’t want to dance to di sarli tangos, canaro milongas, fast vals, gotan electronica etc.

• The right of a follower to make herself available or not is also respected. If a lady is deep in conversation, has taken her shoes off, is heading to the bathroom, she clearly is not interested in the next tanda! Just because we have an imbalance of men/women in favour of the men, does not mean the leaders have a right to interrupt clearly important conversations occurring between women! If she looks away when the leader tries to catch her eye, she is not interested or isn’t available at that moment, and the leader hasn’t walked across the room in order to find that out – and the lady is also not left feeling as though she has said ‘no’ to her only invitation to dance..if the leader does want to dance with her, he will check again later to see if she is free rather than making her feel she has to dance right then. It is uncomfortable for anyone (leader or follower) to have to say no when someone asks them to dance and they don’t want to (yes, it’s easy to say they should just say no, but I’ve heard enough ppl talk about feeling uncomfortable doing so to know ppl end up dancing when they feel pressured). If she is waiting to catch your eye, however…and it is not a fleeting thing like the way you look at a stranger in the street and quickly glance away – it’s quite obvious when someone is searching to catch your eye and gives you time to realise this and to then respond either by holding their gaze/nodding/smiling & getting up to go to the dance floor or looking away.

• It stops people being harassed! It is not polite to ask someone to dance, have them say no, and then ask again 30 seconds later! Using the cabeceo allows everyone some dignity in refusing an invitation. A milonga is a social night out at which everyone is present to have a good time – not to do a ‘duty’ to every person who feels they ‘should’ receive a dance. In BsAs they have ‘taxi dancers’ who can be paid to dance for a tanda, and that is the only time one can ‘expect’ a dance!

• (It is also not fair to specifically ask a teacher to dance at every single milonga – they usually try to look for people they haven’t danced with in a while etc. Dancing once a fortnight with a teacher will not make you a brilliant dancer and it is simply not possible for the teachers to do that for everyone. Dancing with your own partner/friends is the way to improve – both for yourself and the wider community. As an example, Ben and I had a number of private classes while in BsAs with Adrian and Alejandra, but I never asked him to dance at milongas despite seeing him often, and he asked me just once – it was an absolute treat, and I did not see having paid him for classes meaning I had a right to dance with him at milongas. But, this post is not just about teachers, of either gender, but the whole community)

• So, that means, if someone invites a partner to dance, and that person clearly looks away, it means they don’t want to dance…and that should be respected by the first person, the inviter, then not continuing to stare them down in the hope of changing their mind! ;) In the same way that if someone invites someone verbally to dance, they need to be prepared for that person to say ‘no’ and to accept the decline of their request graciously, not to be asking ‘why not’ or getting upset..just because you ask a question doesn’t always mean you’ll get an answer, or indeed the answer that you want! ;)

So, we’ll be talking about the cabeceo a bit more this week in class and giving you a chance to practise it there before you unleash your eyebrow raising skills in the milonga at Higher Ground next week!

Comments, questions? Add them here or send an email and we will do our best to answer them. :) Clearly from the photos inserted, Alejandra has other things to focus on than the impending tanda, Anabella is waiting to catch your eye, and Tiz is trying to catch the attention of the person over your right shoulder!